Do you Need To or Do You Want To?

Some things you need to do. Some things you want to do. Some things you need to do, but you don't want to do. And, some things you want to do, but you don't need to do.

Whether you consider any particular thing a need or a want may be a matter of opinion. But, there will be some things that are needs no matter how you feel about them. And, then there are some things that are needs depending on each particular situation.

When you want to do something and it happens to be something you need to, it is usually the best thing for you. Diet, exercise and rest immediately come to mind. And, when you need it and you want it, there is never any conflict within you. You just do it. No extra effort is necessary.

When something that you need to do is something that you don't want to do, well there is where we have a problem. 

When a want and a need do not agree then conflict arises. An internal battle develops in your mind. Sometimes this is a quick battle and other times it is drawn out. Eventually the stronger of the two, the need or the want, will win out. And, no matter what wins, the need or the want, you will experience some kind of stress.

When you do what you need to do but don't really want to do, you deal with the feelings of sacrifice or that sense that you gave in and did the right thing. Conversely, when you do what you want to do instead of what you need to do, you have a sense of guilt. You lose either way. And, not only do you lose, there is usually some future pain for the choice you made.

There is no argument that you need a good night's sleep. Sometimes you even want a good night's sleep. But, sometimes you want to stay up and watch your favorite team's game more than you want to sleep. You choose the want over the need. And, when you choose a want over a need, you will pay every time.

The thing about wants and needs is their value. Needs have a consistent value and if you don't address them, then you will pay for it. There is no recourse. But, wants are different. They seem really important at the time but later? Not so much. You do experience some kind of pain but it's not near the kind of pain you experience when you don't address a need.

Most needs are physical. Sleep, diet, exercise and personal care are all needs. Your physical being is the basis on which everything else is built. You cannot pursue intellectual passions, entrepreneurial adventures, philanthropic pursuits or materialistic riches without a physical basis that will allow you to.

Steve Jobs was making a dent in the universe until he became sick. Without physical health, you have nothing else. You cannot invent, create, teach or contribute in any way without physical health. And, if you really want big success, you just don't take care of your physical needs, you maximize them.

Other needs exist in your relationships, your career and your finances. If you keep choosing the wants over the needs you will eventually experience pain. The key is discipline. The discipline of choosing what you need to do. See What Is Discipline.

The interesting thing about needs and wants is that needs are long-term. As long as you take care of your needs, your long-term success is almost guaranteed. But when you satisfy the wants, success, in whatever, is delayed at best and completely lost at worst. Choosing wants is usually associated with immediate gratification, the I want it now attitude, and a complete lack of discipline.

The choice is clear but never easy. 

What is your choice, do you need to or do you want to?

Is It You or Them?

You is you.  Them is everyone else.  Them are your kids.  Them are your neighbors.  Them are your coworkers, your friends, and your spouse.

Them is everyone not you.

When you think about the successes and failures in your life, was it you or them?  When you think about the good times and the bad times, was it you or them?

Understanding the prospective of "you or them" is critical to your success, your failure and ultimately your happiness.  There is one particular concept in regards to the "you or them" question that once understood it, makes all your future "you or them" questions easy to answer.

Here it is...

Everything in your life is your fault.  No matter what.  It is your fault. Good or bad.  By what you did or did not do.

Of course there are situations that happen to you.  Bad weather, bad traffic, bad people and the like.  These are all things that you do not control. These are not your fault.  But, you have to deal with them and how you deal with them is your fault.  No excuses.

If wake up and find a foot of snow outside and you grumble about the clean up and the kids not going to school.  You set yourself up to be unhappy.  You focus on all the things that are wrong with the situation.  All the loss.  All the inconvenience.  That is your choice. And, that choice is in your control.  That choice is your fault.

The way you ended up feeling about that situation is your fault.  So if you are unhappy and miserable you only have to look in the mirror to find the guilty party.

If you have become frustrated with the lack of advancement in your profession or your earnings, ask what keeps getting in the way? The answer is you.  It is not your boss, your customers, or the economy.  It is you.

Somewhere there is someone in your profession that is succeeding at high level.  That someone may even have the same boss, customers and economy as you. What's the difference?

You are the difference.

It's not them. It's you.  They are doing something different than you. Their success is their fault.  Their choices are their fault. Their attitude and approach to life is their fault.  It is their fault just like your attitude and your approach is your fault.  They are just getting different results than you.  Maybe it's their attitude? Or, is it yours?

That same person, who is succeeding in your profession, also gets up and sees that same foot of snow that you did.  They see the snow and instead of grumbling about it, they think, I'm going to get a different workout today.  And, I'll get to play with the kids!  

Same situation.  Different attitude, different choices.  Better results.

Make better choices, get better results.  

It's up to you.  It always has been.

What is Discipline?

This is one of the most misunderstood personal characteristics of human behavior. And, one of the most admired.

It can single-highhandedly be the very reason someone succeeds in spite of great challenges and limited resources. And, it is not limited to just success with money. Being disciplined can assist and accelerate growth in any area of life. Discipline will make you healthier, wealthier, communicate better, be more focused, improve your relationships and avoid problems.

Discipline helps in every area of life. Discipline helps with your personal life, your career, your extended relationships and in social settings.

There is virtually no limit to what this single personal behavior can do for a person. And, the best part is that it is not something a person is born with. It is a skill that can be learned and developed. And, anyone can learn it. Anyone can apply it.  Anyone can use it to make their life better.

If they choose to...

Discipline is a choice. 

It is a choice between doing what you want to do and doing what you need to do. This distinction is an important one. There are things people want to do that at one time they needed to. And, by using discipline the need to do became a want to do.

Discipline helped them get started. And, occasionally they will use discipline to keep themselves going. But, the disciplined repetition turned it into a habit making ongoing discipline unnecessary.

Discipline is an attitude.

It is an attitude of always doing what the right thing no matter how hard it is. It's having the uncomfortable conversation you need to have with a friend, a coworker or a spouse but don't want to have. It's eating the salad instead of the ice cream. It's going to the gym instead of hitting the snooze button.

Discipline is a mindset.

It is an unyielding way of thinking. It is seeing what needs to be done and doing it no matter how uncomfortable or inconvenient it may be. It is the engagement of a single-minded purpose that refuses to lose.

Discipline is consistency.

It is doing the the right thing over and over again no matter how boring or monotonous it may seem. It is understanding that Little Things Do Matter. And, doing the little things day in and day out achieves big things over time.

Discipline is a commitment.

It is a decision to do a certain thing and stick with it until is is done. It is realizing that Done Is Better Perfect and all results count in getting to the goal. It is never giving up.

Discipline is a challenge.

It is the reason you feel tired after pushing where others would have quit. It is the reason you feel stretched. It is the reason you have grown to become someone you could have never even imagined becoming.  But, so glad you did.

Discipline is the difference.

It is the difference between you and the non-achiever. It is the reason you succeed and others fail. It is the reason you have a fulfilled life and others taste regret. It is the difference between success and failure. It is the difference between the you that tried and the you that didn't try.

Discipline is the answer.

It is the answer to any problem that plagues you. It is the answer to any challenge you face. It is the answer to any obstacle that you need to overcome.

You already know what to do. Discipline will make you do it. 

Discipline is the answer to Fear.

Are you Blessed or are you Cursed?

This is not an easy question to answer. There is more than one way to look at any situation. One man's garbage is another man's treasure.

If you look at the situations in your life with an attitude of why did this happen to me? Then you may feel cursed to have had such luck. But, another person may look at the same situation as a blessing because of the lessons they learned and the strong person they became because of them.

In either case, the situations have happened or they continue to happen. If they are in the past, there is nothing that can change them. They are a part of you whether you choose to admit it or not. If they continue to exist then you must deal with them. You have no choice.

Or, do you?

You do have a choice in how you perceive your situations. So, whether you are blessed or cursed is not a condition, it's a choice.

It is a choice that you make either consciously or unconsciously. It is a choice made about how you feel about the situations in your life. It is a choice you make about the conditions you have experienced.

If you choose the "why me" approach. You probably feel cursed. You take on the victim's attitude.

If you choose the "why not me" approach. You probably feel blessed. You take on the warrior's attitude when facing a challenge. 

Interestingly enough, there are people in situations that one may consider great but the people in them feel cursed. There are many examples of people that appear to "have it all" and yet they are miserable, unhappy and feel burdened by their lives. And, there are others that have very little yet are some of the happiest people you'd ever meet.



Whether you are blessed or cursed is not a condition, it is a decision. It is what you decide to make of it.

If you experience a series of setbacks, you can decide to put your nose to the grindstone and push your way through the setbacks. This will make you a stronger person.

If you experience a series of setbacks, you can decide to quit and give up on your goal. This will make you a weaker person.

Whether you are blessed or cursed is an attitude. It is how you face the challenges in your life. It is how you decide to deal with your personal situations. It is a choice of letting life happen to you or letting life happen for you.

The power of the choice, the decision and the attitude are yours. What will you do?

Keep this in mind, there is a high correlation between people who think they are blessed and people who approach life with a "cup half full" attitude. It makes a difference.

And, it is not just positive thinking although that certainly never hurts.

Remember what Zig Ziglar taught, "Positive thinking won't help you do anything in life. But, it will help you do everything better than negative thinking will."

Are you blessed or are you cursed?

What is Fear?

Fear is a liar.

Fear is the voice in your head that says you are not good enough. Fear says you don't have what it takes to reach your goals. Fear will whisper in your ear all the reasons why you can't do it. Fear will tell you your not strong enough. Fear will tell you you're not worthy. Fear will tell you that you should be ashamed.

Fear is a thief.

Fear will steal your dreams. Fear is a taker. Fear is a robber. Fear will steal your intentions.  Fear will steal your passions and keep you in a boring and safe routine day after day until you utter a deathbed whisper of regret.

Fear is a prison.

Fear will keep you safely locked away from risk. Fear will keep you fenced in and away from trying. Fear will build walls that protect you from failure, success, pain, pleasure and anything else that it perceives as the least bit threatening. Fear will keep you in a comfort zone where you will never put yourself on the line. Fear will never let you grow.

Fear is a reaction.

Fear is an emotion. Fear is a response to a perceived future that may or may not ever come true. Fear is primitive. Fear is an under-developed emotion that was meant to keep you safe when you were a cave dweller. Fear is obsolete.

Fear is an excuse.

Fear becomes the reason you don't try. Fear is the reason you don't go for it. Fear is the reason you quit when you've almost made it. Fear is the crutch you use to explain the lackluster and uninspired life you've chosen.

Fear is an obstacle.

Fear is what you use to hold yourself back. Fear is an unlocked door you just don't turn the handle and open. Fear is what you put between you and what you truly want to do. Fear is why your book never gets written, your song never gets sung, your company never gets started and your purpose is never known. Fear is what keeps you from being you.

Fear is an illusion.

Fear is need. Fear is lack. Fear is why you please others at your peril. Fear is why you spend money you don't have to impress people you don't know.

Fear is obedience.

Fear is coloring inside the lines. Fear is thinking inside the box. Fear is following the crowd. Fear will have you act like society's sheep. Fear is conformity.

Fear is an attack.

Fear is an attack on your motivations. Fear is an attack on your inspirations. Fear is an attack on your dreams. Fear is an attack on the best version of yourself. Fear preys on your insecurities. And, Fear will attack until you fight back.

Fear is a friend.

Fear is your compass. Fear is telling you where you need to go. Fear tells you where you need to grow. Fear is the devil you find at every new level. Fear is where the best version of yourself exists. Fear is what your creator wants you to be.

"Don’t follow your excitement… follow your fear."  Bryan Ward, Third Way Man.

Fear is a rush. 

Fear is exhilaration. Fear is the spine-tingling sensation you feel when you absolutely throw your whole heart in and try in spite of fear. Fear is the energy you feel when you say fuck fear and just go for it anyway. Fear is a high-octane fuel when you decide to use it.

Fear, when overcome, is the greatest personal victory any human can experience.

Follow your fear...

Are you frustrated? Here's why. And, what to do about it.

Frustration comes from two places.

Things you control and things you don't control. You become frustrated because the results you are getting are below what you expect.

It's that simple and it's that hard.

You may become frustrated with yourself, your spouse, your kids, your parents, your coworkers. No matter what the source of the frustration is, it is because you are expecting more than you are getting.

Do you want to immediately remove that feeling? Do you want to not feel frustrated? Then here is what you need to do.

Lower your expectations.

As soon as you lower your expectations, you remove the feeling of frustration. Almost as soon as you lower your expectations, you become more aligned with reality. You become more open to possibility.

Try it.

When you become frustrated, you create a negative energy that basically pushes away solutions. If you pursue frustration, it will create turmoil for yourself most of all.  And, your negative vibe will affect those around you.

Let it go....

Lower your expectations. Once you do this, you relax. You remove the tension, you reduce the negative energy that brings you and everyone involved further down and away from the solution.

As soon as you relax, you can reconnect with your purpose and find new ways to achieve what you are going for. The ideas will come to you. But, only when you relax.

In addition to lowering your expectations, it helps to realize that frustration means the goal you're not getting to can still be realized. Once you reach a point where the goal is not achievable you move from frustration to disappointment. So, feeling frustrated can serve as an action signal to avoid disappointment. Welcome it.

Once you relax, consider the situation. First, is it something that you control? If you are frustrated and it is something that you control, your probably frustrated with yourself. Your frustrated that you have not met your own expectations.

You didn't lose the weight, get to the gym, make the sale, keep your temper or whatever. You will need to make sure you didn't set your expectation to high. Consider a less lofty goal. Of course, if you just plain didn't try hard enough. You deserve to feel frustrated.

Try again.

If you are frustrated and it is something you don't control. You may need to not only lower your expectations. You may need to change them altogether. To understand what you control or don't control see The #1 Way To Improve The World.

If you are frustrated and it is something you can't control like the weather, the economy or the traffic your stuck in, you need to change your expectations and perhaps even prepare for disappointment. But, if it is something you can't control but have some influence over then there is something you can do.

Change your approach. 

Frustration with people often falls into this category. You cannot control other people but you can influence them. If they are not meeting your expectations it is because of the approach your using. If you change your approach, you will change your results.

Can't get your kids to pick up all their toys? Pleading and yelling not working for you? Try this. Tell them they only have to pick up the toys they want to keep and you'll take care of the rest.

Sometimes frustration can come from things and not people. Computers come to mind here. Again, change your approach. Instead of trying to force the situation, try to understand it. With things, it often comes down to understanding why something is not working. And, once you learn why something is not working, you change your approach to make it work.

Change your approach and you change your outcome.

You may even meet your expectations. 

And, frustration will fade away.

The Secret to Getting Started

We all have dreams. Some people even go after them. Those people should be applauded and admired. Even if they don't succeed. They should be recognized for at least trying. Because, let's be honest, most people don't even try.

Why don't more try?

Fear is the number one reason. Uncertainty about the future can have paralyzing effect on people. And, that fear can show up in many different forms.

It may be a fear of failure. You don't try to avoid the pain associated with failure like the loss of money or time. Or, for many, it is the risk of embarrassment that they did not succeed.

It may be fear of success. If things do work out, the pressure will be on to do even better. The expectations will only go up. And, they should.

Another form of this fear is in the excuses we trick ourselves with. We don't think we have the resources. We don't have the money or the time.  We don't know the right people. 

I’m too skinny, I’m too fat, I’m not in shape. I'm not smart enough, I don't have the education or the training.

Exucusitis comes in all shapes and sizes.  And, there doesn’t seem to be any limit to the excuses we’re willing to create.

We all have some greatness inside us. We all have some potential to be realized.  Those are your dreams. But, for some reason, most people don’t go for it.  

Someone wants to lose the weight, write the book, sing the song, run the marathon or whatever.  And, in their heads, they feel like they can do it.  They truly believe it.

But, they never try.

As is the case much too often, people just never get started.  They just never get going. They don't take that first step. They cannot see where they need to go. They don't know what to do. 

And so, they stand there and do nothing until life comes along and pushes them back into their daily routine. 

And, that dream gets pushed aside. Again.

That dream then becomes the seed of some future regret that will come out as a deathbed whisper of "I wish I had at least tried."

No matter what the endeavor, the key is to get started. 

Just take the first step.

If you don’t know what the first step is you need to consider the question you’re asking.  Many people ask the question, “How am I going to do that?”  That is not necessarily a bad question.  But, the "how" question often invokes analysis. You would use that question when you are trying to figure out how something happened.  In other words, something that has already happened and not something you are trying to get started on.

The how question is also our way of seeing the evidence that something can be done. It becomes the proof that we need to believe something is possible. 

We need to change our thinking about that. We actually have it in reverse. Instead of looking for the how we need to look for the what.  As in, what should I do?

Even better, what should I do right now?

Your job isn’t to know the how, it’s to know the what and to be open to discovering and receiving, the how.

Instead of asking how, you should ask what.  “What am I going to do” invokes action.

What leads you to the first step. What leads to action.

Your answers to "what should I do" are the actions you need to take. They are the steps to get to your goal.

You may not think of the first step first.  But, you will be thinking of the steps that need to be taken and from there you will develop a plan. And, you don't need to know all the steps.

Heed Martin Luther King’s advice, and take the first step in faith.  You don’t need to see the whole staircase, just the first step.

So, how do you start?  Where do you begin? Ironically, you begin with the end.  

What specifically are you trying to accomplish?  Once you identify specifically what you want, you can ask the question, what do I need to do to reach that end?

You want to lose ten pounds?  Then the specific end is that you want to lose ten pounds.  Just ask yourself the question, what do I need to do to lose ten pounds?  Write down your answers.  Make a list.  Ask the question repeatedly and keep writing the answers down.

Now you have a list of action items.  Things that you can do to start getting you closer to your goal. Now you can get started.  You don’t have to organize the list.  You could if you wanted to but be careful that this does not become a delaying tactic.  

Procrastination can be very deceiving.  There are many promising tomorrows that have just turned into empty yesterdays due to procrastination.

And, conditions don't have to be perfect. Some people delay starting because they need to get things set up. Remember Done is Better Than Perfect.

Pick something on the list and go do it.  It may be as simple as tossing the Oreos in the garbage or going to the market and buying fresh vegetables.

Small simple steps can get you started and getting started creates the momentum you need to keep going.

Now start working the list.  Some of the things you will need to do will be new habits you need to establish. If you get stuck go back to the question, "What do I do now?"

Once you get going, keep going. Consistent action is needed to reach big goals.

You want to write a book.  Write every day.

You want to be an awesome singer.  Sing every day.

You want to lose the weight. Diet and exercise everyday.

Once you get started, the path you need to take will start to unfold before your eyes.

What will you do today?

Sean