Three Ways to Deal with Setbacks

Every now and again you’ll have one of those days.  Things don’t seem to work out and you experience setbacks.  Its human nature and quite understandable for someone to get down on days like this.  But, the quote, “Setbacks are a set up for a comeback,” really is the formula to deal with setbacks.

The quote is not specific with instruction as most quotes aren’t.  But, it is loaded with wisdom.  The quote’s answer to setbacks is to reset your mindset.  It reframes the setback so that you can look at it from a different point of view.  It takes the “end of the road” and turns it into a “bump in the road.”  It keeps you going.  But, it says even more.

Setbacks come in a variety of shapes and sizes.  Some are self-inflicted and some come from the outside world.  You skipped the workout, fell off your diet, didn’t say you were sorry, didn’t make the call, etc.  These are things that you control.  And, then there are things you don't control.

There are times when even when you’ve done your best, setbacks can come from areas you don’t control.  Your staff didn’t show up or they made a mistake, the bus is late, it poured rain on your new hair-do or whatever the world decided to do to ruin your day.

Regardless of what the setback is, there are a couple of simple ways to turn an unfortunate situation into a fortunate one.

1. Stay calm and look for the good in the situation. Yes, that can be hard to do. When you notice the coffee rolling down your rear window because you left it on the top of your car will make you want to scream. But, no matter what happens there is usually something to at least learn. And, that is always a positive.

2. Think "now what?" Thinking this way forces you to accept the situation. It has happened and there is nothing you can do about it. It also prompts you to think about what action you can take now given the new circumstances. Move on.

3. Do not beat yourself up. If you can read this your human. If your human, you're going to make mistakes. Accept it, get over it, and move on.

If you really want to take a setback and give is some meaning think this thought:

"What if life happens for us, and not to us?" Tony Robbins

Is That A Problem or An Opportunity?

Let's cut to quick on this one.  It's always an opportunity.

But, only if you look at it that way. 

Whether it is a problem or an opportunity is the result of your mindset. It's how you choose to look at the situation. It's what meaning you decide to give it.

If you look at it as a problem you take on a victim's mentality. Why does this always happen to me? Why do I have to deal with this? When your thinking goes there, you immediately become less resourceful and less able to deal with the situation regardless of who's fault it is.

When you look at it as a problem it becomes something you need to fix or neutralize so that it isn't a problem anymore. The screaming child, the traffic jam, the annoying coworker. This kind of thinking will lead you to only solving the problem and not seeing what you could make out of it or what good could come from it. And, there is always some good that could come from it. But, you need to look for it.

In every problem there is an opportunity. There is possibility. But, you have to look for it. You may need to pause and make yourself think about it. But, it is there.

Problems are opportunities in disguise. You need to see through that disguise and uncover it.

The thing about problems are that they often arrive as interruptions. The flow of what you're doing comes to a stop and you need to deal with a problem. It becomes an inconvenience and keeps you from doing what you're trying to do. But, if you think about it, so do opportunities.

Opportunities often show up and interrupt what we're doing. They are just welcome interruptions. A friend calls with tickets to the game, drinks at the new local hot spot. Somehow these interruptions are okay. They are okay because the opportunity is easy to see. And, we don't mind putting off what we were doing to take advantage of those opportunities. In fact, we often make sacrifices to take advantage of them.

But, when problems interrupt us that is a different story. These interruptions feel like setbacks, obstacles, things that delay us or stop us altogether. These types of problems will always exist. They are a part of life. So, why not take advantage of them.

How do you take advantage of them?

The answers lies in the questions you ask yourself when problems arise. Instead of why me? Try, why not me? How could I take advantage of this situation? What could I learn from this? How could I grow from this?

Of course this is easier said than done.  But, it can be done.

Stuck in a line at the store? Caught in traffic? Instead of getting upset and stressed out, use that time to do something constructive. You going to spend the time anyway. You're going to be late anyway. Call a relative you haven't spoken to for awhile. Read something informative on your phone. Listen to a book or podcast.

One of the best stories that I ever heard was about a Mom that got a flat tire with her three kids. They were stuck on the side of the road waiting for the service truck. So, to kill the time she asked each of her kids how they were doing in school. And, the Mom learned that one of her kids was being bullied. Do you think that flat tire meant something different after she learned that?

Sometimes things happen for a reason. Instead getting upset when problems come up, get curious to find out what you could do with the situation. In every problem there is an opportunity. But, you have to look for it.

What is Discipline?

This is one of the most misunderstood personal characteristics of human behavior. And, one of the most admired.

It can single-highhandedly be the very reason someone succeeds in spite of great challenges and limited resources. And, it is not limited to just success with money. Being disciplined can assist and accelerate growth in any area of life. Discipline will make you healthier, wealthier, communicate better, be more focused, improve your relationships and avoid problems.

Discipline helps in every area of life. Discipline helps with your personal life, your career, your extended relationships and in social settings.

There is virtually no limit to what this single personal behavior can do for a person. And, the best part is that it is not something a person is born with. It is a skill that can be learned and developed. And, anyone can learn it. Anyone can apply it.  Anyone can use it to make their life better.

If they choose to...

Discipline is a choice. 

It is a choice between doing what you want to do and doing what you need to do. This distinction is an important one. There are things people want to do that at one time they needed to. And, by using discipline the need to do became a want to do.

Discipline helped them get started. And, occasionally they will use discipline to keep themselves going. But, the disciplined repetition turned it into a habit making ongoing discipline unnecessary.

Discipline is an attitude.

It is an attitude of always doing what the right thing no matter how hard it is. It's having the uncomfortable conversation you need to have with a friend, a coworker or a spouse but don't want to have. It's eating the salad instead of the ice cream. It's going to the gym instead of hitting the snooze button.

Discipline is a mindset.

It is an unyielding way of thinking. It is seeing what needs to be done and doing it no matter how uncomfortable or inconvenient it may be. It is the engagement of a single-minded purpose that refuses to lose.

Discipline is consistency.

It is doing the the right thing over and over again no matter how boring or monotonous it may seem. It is understanding that Little Things Do Matter. And, doing the little things day in and day out achieves big things over time.

Discipline is a commitment.

It is a decision to do a certain thing and stick with it until is is done. It is realizing that Done Is Better Perfect and all results count in getting to the goal. It is never giving up.

Discipline is a challenge.

It is the reason you feel tired after pushing where others would have quit. It is the reason you feel stretched. It is the reason you have grown to become someone you could have never even imagined becoming.  But, so glad you did.

Discipline is the difference.

It is the difference between you and the non-achiever. It is the reason you succeed and others fail. It is the reason you have a fulfilled life and others taste regret. It is the difference between success and failure. It is the difference between the you that tried and the you that didn't try.

Discipline is the answer.

It is the answer to any problem that plagues you. It is the answer to any challenge you face. It is the answer to any obstacle that you need to overcome.

You already know what to do. Discipline will make you do it. 

Discipline is the answer to Fear.

The Secret to Getting Started

We all have dreams. Some people even go after them. Those people should be applauded and admired. Even if they don't succeed. They should be recognized for at least trying. Because, let's be honest, most people don't even try.

Why don't more try?

Fear is the number one reason. Uncertainty about the future can have paralyzing effect on people. And, that fear can show up in many different forms.

It may be a fear of failure. You don't try to avoid the pain associated with failure like the loss of money or time. Or, for many, it is the risk of embarrassment that they did not succeed.

It may be fear of success. If things do work out, the pressure will be on to do even better. The expectations will only go up. And, they should.

Another form of this fear is in the excuses we trick ourselves with. We don't think we have the resources. We don't have the money or the time.  We don't know the right people. 

I’m too skinny, I’m too fat, I’m not in shape. I'm not smart enough, I don't have the education or the training.

Exucusitis comes in all shapes and sizes.  And, there doesn’t seem to be any limit to the excuses we’re willing to create.

We all have some greatness inside us. We all have some potential to be realized.  Those are your dreams. But, for some reason, most people don’t go for it.  

Someone wants to lose the weight, write the book, sing the song, run the marathon or whatever.  And, in their heads, they feel like they can do it.  They truly believe it.

But, they never try.

As is the case much too often, people just never get started.  They just never get going. They don't take that first step. They cannot see where they need to go. They don't know what to do. 

And so, they stand there and do nothing until life comes along and pushes them back into their daily routine. 

And, that dream gets pushed aside. Again.

That dream then becomes the seed of some future regret that will come out as a deathbed whisper of "I wish I had at least tried."

No matter what the endeavor, the key is to get started. 

Just take the first step.

If you don’t know what the first step is you need to consider the question you’re asking.  Many people ask the question, “How am I going to do that?”  That is not necessarily a bad question.  But, the "how" question often invokes analysis. You would use that question when you are trying to figure out how something happened.  In other words, something that has already happened and not something you are trying to get started on.

The how question is also our way of seeing the evidence that something can be done. It becomes the proof that we need to believe something is possible. 

We need to change our thinking about that. We actually have it in reverse. Instead of looking for the how we need to look for the what.  As in, what should I do?

Even better, what should I do right now?

Your job isn’t to know the how, it’s to know the what and to be open to discovering and receiving, the how.

Instead of asking how, you should ask what.  “What am I going to do” invokes action.

What leads you to the first step. What leads to action.

Your answers to "what should I do" are the actions you need to take. They are the steps to get to your goal.

You may not think of the first step first.  But, you will be thinking of the steps that need to be taken and from there you will develop a plan. And, you don't need to know all the steps.

Heed Martin Luther King’s advice, and take the first step in faith.  You don’t need to see the whole staircase, just the first step.

So, how do you start?  Where do you begin? Ironically, you begin with the end.  

What specifically are you trying to accomplish?  Once you identify specifically what you want, you can ask the question, what do I need to do to reach that end?

You want to lose ten pounds?  Then the specific end is that you want to lose ten pounds.  Just ask yourself the question, what do I need to do to lose ten pounds?  Write down your answers.  Make a list.  Ask the question repeatedly and keep writing the answers down.

Now you have a list of action items.  Things that you can do to start getting you closer to your goal. Now you can get started.  You don’t have to organize the list.  You could if you wanted to but be careful that this does not become a delaying tactic.  

Procrastination can be very deceiving.  There are many promising tomorrows that have just turned into empty yesterdays due to procrastination.

And, conditions don't have to be perfect. Some people delay starting because they need to get things set up. Remember Done is Better Than Perfect.

Pick something on the list and go do it.  It may be as simple as tossing the Oreos in the garbage or going to the market and buying fresh vegetables.

Small simple steps can get you started and getting started creates the momentum you need to keep going.

Now start working the list.  Some of the things you will need to do will be new habits you need to establish. If you get stuck go back to the question, "What do I do now?"

Once you get going, keep going. Consistent action is needed to reach big goals.

You want to write a book.  Write every day.

You want to be an awesome singer.  Sing every day.

You want to lose the weight. Diet and exercise everyday.

Once you get started, the path you need to take will start to unfold before your eyes.

What will you do today?

Sean

OMG! I'm A Manager!!

You just got promoted. You worked hard to get here. But, now what do you do?

If you are new to the manager level there a few things you need think about. Once you become responsible for the results of other people, it's a whole new game.

When you move to the next level almost regardless of what you do, you need to change how you go about accomplishment. As a line person, you are focused on tasks. As a manager, you will be focused on your team.

Here are five things to help you succeed as you move to the next level.

I Am A Movie Screen

You are the movie.

Your movie projects onto my screen. I watch it. I might laugh, I might cry. I may grimace.

What do I think of it? Do I want to keep watching? Do I have to? Do I want to?

Good questions.

Some people, some movies are dramas that not only am I not interested in, I don't have the time for. They become an emotional suckfest leaving you without energy or motivation.

Some movies are horror shows. Lives that have taken some bad turns whether by accident or by bad decision. It's usually the latter.

Some are sad documentaries. Again, maybe an accident, maybe some bad decisions. Who knows?

What if I don't want to watch that movie?

Change it.

It is just that simple. Don't like the movie, change it.

Don't want see the drama that features some spoiled queenie that behaves like a entitled, self-centered bitch where every minute of film feels like slow death. You know the person that can't possibly see enough of themselves. Every event in their life is a tragedy beyond human endurance and they need to tell you every painful detail.

Change it.

Not interested in the horror flick that shows how one person can somehow, almost impossibly, make one bad decision after another as if they had no control over their own lives. Everything they do is a controlled crash landing. They have the self-awareness of an earthworm and make you wonder if they will ever have a clue.

Change it.

You're the movie screen.  Not the movie.

Change the movie. Change it to something you like.

So, you like that comedy where the person makes you laugh and feel so good it almost feels as if time stops. The kind of person that makes you feel energized and forget that you even have any problems.  As least for a little while.

Watch it.

You like the movie where a person takes you on an adventure with intellectual twists and turns that leaves you with an "aha"feeling. Their story is so interesting that when it is over you want to watch it again. Right away.

Watch it.

You like the movie where the underdog overcomes impossible odds and inspires you to take on the world with your personal passion? The movie that makes you think, if they can do it, so can I?

Watch it. 

Again and again.

You choose the movies you watch. Choose movies that make you laugh, learn and feel inspired. Don't watch the movies that drain the life out of you and leave you haggard.

But, always remember....you are a movie too.

Are you worth watching??

I Eat Worms

I eat worms.  Metaphorically speaking of course.

I have been an early riser for most of my life.  And, when people hear how early I get up I always tell them I get the worms.  As in, the early bird gets the worm.

How early?  I have been getting up at 4 am for more years than I can count now.  On weekends, I jokingly say that I sleep in.  

Till 5 am!

Why so early?

I get things done.  Once the rest of the family is up that becomes more challenging.  Time alone is quality time.

What do I do?

Much has been said and written about having a morning routine.  It is time you can use to set yourself up to have a great day.  And, it does work.  There are a lot of benefits.

1.  Peace and quiet.  If you have a busy household this is some of the most peaceful time of the day.  I don't start waking anyone else up until 6:30.  So, at two and a half hours a day, I am getting more than 15 peaceful hours a week in my house of four.  How many are you getting?

2.  Exercise.  You can exercise other times of the day.  But, studies have shown that people who workout in the morning are most consistent over the long run.  If you exercise in the afternoon there can be a number of reasons they may come up that make it not work out.  I call that PWS or pre-workout syndrome.  There is no PWS in the morning.

3.  Creativity.  If you do anything creative, mornings are the best time to do this.  A fresh and rested brain and nervous system are ideal for creating.  Some creative people listed below were early risers.

4.  Productivity.  You are rested, there are no distractions, you can focus. You can get more done in the morning.  The military get up early and they have a slogan that they do more before 9 am than most people do in a day.  They have a morning routine.

Who else has a morning routine?

Here are some people who have had morning routines.  Some claim that it helped them to achieve their personal success.

1.  Benjamin Franklin.  He got at 4 am.  His primary focus was what he was going to accomplish that day.

2.  Michelle Gass, president of Starbucks.  She gets up at 4:30 am and goes running.

3.  Anna Wintour, editor of Vogue.  By 6:45 am she has already played tennis for an hour.

4.  Ernest Hemingway.  Rose at dawn each day and started writing.

5.  Beethoven.  Got up at 3 am everyday, meticulously prepared his coffee and then started composing.

What should you include in your morning routine?  How can you get started?  

Check Thursday's Post.

3 Things You Should Do Every Morning

On Monday, I posted I Eat Worms.  I wrote about getting up early, some benefits of getting up early and included a list of some pretty successful people who also got up early.  You can read that here.

There are a lot of things you can have in your morning routine.  And, there are certainly some that are more popular than others.  I list the most common below.  I purposely left out all the personal hygiene stuff.  I assume we are all doing that whether you are an early riser or not.

Here are 3 of the most common morning routine activities.

1.  Gratitude/meditation - expressing gratitude is an excellent way to greet the day and getting your mind right.  This one is on almost everyone's list that I found.

2.  Goals - set your goals for that day and review your long term goals.  This gets your mind focused on what actions you need to take to get to where you are going.  This is the setting of your mental compass.  The direction is going is more important than how fast you get there.  See "Should You Use A Clock or A Compass?"

3.  Exercise - this is the most common morning routine outside of brushing your teeth.  It is a great way to start your body and your day.

How do you get started?

What can you do with just 4%??

4% is not a lot.  

It's just 4 cents out of dollar.  It is two minutes and 24 seconds out of a football game.  It is less than 15 days of a year.  It is only 3 years out of a 76 year old's life.

It doesn't seem like a lot.  But, it can be.  It can be for both good and bad reasons.  4% is just a little.  And, Little Things Do Matter.

4% is one hour out of each day.  It is amazing what you can do and not do in one hour.  

You could blow it on internet surfing. Or, you could work out.

You could sit through episodes of Seinfeld that you have already seen. Or, you could study a good book.

You could gossip with a friend about your other friend. Or, you can play with your kid.

The choice is yours. Yes, it is only a small amount of time.  But, it adds up.  And, it adds up fast when you don't pay attention to it.

If you work out one a hour a day, 365 days a year, I can guarantee you that you will look and feel much different after that year.

If you study a good book for one hour a day for 365 days a year.  You will most certainly be smarter and way more informed after that year.

Daily disciplines and habits are what make your life.  And, they are usually little things until you add them up.  Many of the little things are even less than an hour.  They are even less than 4%.

So, what can you do with 4%?

Your Greatest Ally, Your Greatest Enemy, Your Greatest Teacher

Who is your greatest ally, your greatest enemy and your greatest teacher? They are already known to you.  In fact, you use them all the time. But, you may not use them as described in the title of this post.  If you did, you would be probably be realizing more of your potential.  

Instead, some people are using them in ways that limit their potential, limit their experiences and ultimately limit their life.

They are not some kind of new tool or new technology.  And, they are not people.  They are not a closely held secret of the successful.

They are not money.  They are more valuable than that.  

Should You Use a Clock or a Compass?

There is an ongoing and never-ending debate around time management. We spend so much time on trying to make the best use of time that the time we spend doing it may not be time well spent.  But, there is a reason for that...

Time is so valuable.  

It is probably the most valuable thing we have as humans. However, time's value will not be covered here.  You can learn about the value of time by reading Time & Money.

So, with time being considered our most valuable and limited resource, how you use it, manage it, maximize it, waste it and enjoy it has an enormous impact on your life.

There are two basic schools thought on how you should look at your time.  The Clock and the Compass.

We learn to use the Clock early in life.  We learn to stick to a schedule. School life introduces the bell as the signal that the time is over or just beginning.  It depends on your attitude.

5 Reasons You Should Just Go For It

There going to be times in your life when you have to decide to just go for it.  Opportunities are going to present themselves.  

Will you be ready?

Probably not.  But, you should go for it anyway.

Here are 5 reasons why you should.

Done Is Better Than Perfect

Something done is good. Something perfect is really good.

Something done perfectly is great!

The real message is not that perfect is what you should strive for. Perfect can become the reason something doesn't get done.

Done is better than perfect.  Done is completion.  Done is execution.

Done is done.

Do You Need to Make A Change??

Do you need to make a change?

This is a good question. But, it is the wrong question.

No matter what is going on in your life. Whether it is good, bad or indifferent. You are changing.

Whether you need to or not. Whether you choose to or not. Or whether you want to or not.

Little Things Do Matter

I am sure you’ve heard to not sweat the small stuff.

The slogan was made famous by Richard Carlson in his book of the same name.  And, this concept certainly has its times when it is useful.  But, at the same time, while you may not sweat the small stuff, you should remember that little things do matter.

The little things make up the big things.  Do you think $1,400 is lot for morning coffee?  Of course.

But, when you spend $4 at time it does really make a big difference.  And, after a year, it makes a $1,400 difference.

Little things do matter when they are done consistently.

Consider the things you do on a daily basis.  Some are good and some are bad.  Regardless of whether they’re good or bad, when you do them 365 times a year they add up.

Every day after work I dump all the change in my pocket into a cup in my dresser.  Every three or so months, I take this “pocket change” to the bank and deposit it into my son’s college savings.  Each time I do it is around $50.  It adds up.

One hour of the day is only 4% of the day.  What can you do in one hour that can improve your life or someone else’s?

Workout, read something meaningful, take a walk, write, or play with a child.  The list of little things is endless.  Unfortunately, they go the other way too.

Spend one hour watching meaningless TV, mindlessly surfing the internet, gossiping about the neighbors.  Do these things for a year and you will have spent more than 15 twenty-four hour days on them.  Does that sound like time well spent?

Little things do matter.

Choose yours wisely.

Time & Money

Time and money. Time or money. Time versus money. 

They are a paradox together and story half told apart. 

Which one should we value more? Which one do we need more? Can we have more of both? 

Who knows? Who cares?

You should. 

Money is the lubricant of life. Time is life itself. The two work hand and hand together and apart but always together as one. The relationship of time to money and money to time is as old as time itself. But, you could never use money to buy time. And, you could never sell time to make money. Yet money’s value will change over time. But, if one could stop time, then money would hold its value, at least for the time being.

Money may make you happy. That is the thought of many and the realization of few. Money is the hope of a tomorrow that is better than today. Money will solve our problems and cure our ills. Money will make us happy. And the chase of money becomes the chase of life, a race without a finish line and a chase to catch the wind. It ends the day you realize that life is about time and not money.

It is about the time you spend with family and friends. It is about the time you spend with your lover.

It is about the time you spend with you, alone. 

It is about the time you spend with your children for that is the time that slips away and makes you wonder where the time went. But, before you can think too long, you’ve run out of time. 

But, probably not money.

So, the question remains, time or money?

I have chosen time.

What do you choose?