Some things you need to do. Some things you want to do. Some things you need to do, but you don't want to do. And, some things you want to do, but you don't need to do.
Whether you consider any particular thing a need or a want may be a matter of opinion. But, there will be some things that are needs no matter how you feel about them. And, then there are some things that are needs depending on each particular situation.
When you want to do something and it happens to be something you need to, it is usually the best thing for you. Diet, exercise and rest immediately come to mind. And, when you need it and you want it, there is never any conflict within you. You just do it. No extra effort is necessary.
When something that you need to do is something that you don't want to do, well there is where we have a problem.
When a want and a need do not agree then conflict arises. An internal battle develops in your mind. Sometimes this is a quick battle and other times it is drawn out. Eventually the stronger of the two, the need or the want, will win out. And, no matter what wins, the need or the want, you will experience some kind of stress.
When you do what you need to do but don't really want to do, you deal with the feelings of sacrifice or that sense that you gave in and did the right thing. Conversely, when you do what you want to do instead of what you need to do, you have a sense of guilt. You lose either way. And, not only do you lose, there is usually some future pain for the choice you made.
There is no argument that you need a good night's sleep. Sometimes you even want a good night's sleep. But, sometimes you want to stay up and watch your favorite team's game more than you want to sleep. You choose the want over the need. And, when you choose a want over a need, you will pay every time.
The thing about wants and needs is their value. Needs have a consistent value and if you don't address them, then you will pay for it. There is no recourse. But, wants are different. They seem really important at the time but later? Not so much. You do experience some kind of pain but it's not near the kind of pain you experience when you don't address a need.
Most needs are physical. Sleep, diet, exercise and personal care are all needs. Your physical being is the basis on which everything else is built. You cannot pursue intellectual passions, entrepreneurial adventures, philanthropic pursuits or materialistic riches without a physical basis that will allow you to.
Steve Jobs was making a dent in the universe until he became sick. Without physical health, you have nothing else. You cannot invent, create, teach or contribute in any way without physical health. And, if you really want big success, you just don't take care of your physical needs, you maximize them.
Other needs exist in your relationships, your career and your finances. If you keep choosing the wants over the needs you will eventually experience pain. The key is discipline. The discipline of choosing what you need to do. See What Is Discipline.
The interesting thing about needs and wants is that needs are long-term. As long as you take care of your needs, your long-term success is almost guaranteed. But when you satisfy the wants, success, in whatever, is delayed at best and completely lost at worst. Choosing wants is usually associated with immediate gratification, the I want it now attitude, and a complete lack of discipline.
The choice is clear but never easy.
What is your choice, do you need to or do you want to?
This is one of the most misunderstood personal characteristics of human behavior. And, one of the most admired.
It can single-highhandedly be the very reason someone succeeds in spite of great challenges and limited resources. And, it is not limited to just success with money. Being disciplined can assist and accelerate growth in any area of life. Discipline will make you healthier, wealthier, communicate better, be more focused, improve your relationships and avoid problems.
Discipline helps in every area of life. Discipline helps with your personal life, your career, your extended relationships and in social settings.
There is virtually no limit to what this single personal behavior can do for a person. And, the best part is that it is not something a person is born with. It is a skill that can be learned and developed. And, anyone can learn it. Anyone can apply it. Anyone can use it to make their life better.
If they choose to...
Discipline is a choice.
It is a choice between doing what you want to do and doing what you need to do. This distinction is an important one. There are things people want to do that at one time they needed to. And, by using discipline the need to do became a want to do.
Discipline helped them get started. And, occasionally they will use discipline to keep themselves going. But, the disciplined repetition turned it into a habit making ongoing discipline unnecessary.
Discipline is an attitude.
It is an attitude of always doing what the right thing no matter how hard it is. It's having the uncomfortable conversation you need to have with a friend, a coworker or a spouse but don't want to have. It's eating the salad instead of the ice cream. It's going to the gym instead of hitting the snooze button.
Discipline is a mindset.
It is an unyielding way of thinking. It is seeing what needs to be done and doing it no matter how uncomfortable or inconvenient it may be. It is the engagement of a single-minded purpose that refuses to lose.
Discipline is consistency.
It is doing the the right thing over and over again no matter how boring or monotonous it may seem. It is understanding that Little Things Do Matter. And, doing the little things day in and day out achieves big things over time.
Discipline is a commitment.
It is a decision to do a certain thing and stick with it until is is done. It is realizing that Done Is Better Perfect and all results count in getting to the goal. It is never giving up.
Discipline is a challenge.
It is the reason you feel tired after pushing where others would have quit. It is the reason you feel stretched. It is the reason you have grown to become someone you could have never even imagined becoming. But, so glad you did.
Discipline is the difference.
It is the difference between you and the non-achiever. It is the reason you succeed and others fail. It is the reason you have a fulfilled life and others taste regret. It is the difference between success and failure. It is the difference between the you that tried and the you that didn't try.
Discipline is the answer.
It is the answer to any problem that plagues you. It is the answer to any challenge you face. It is the answer to any obstacle that you need to overcome.
You already know what to do. Discipline will make you do it.
Discipline is the answer to Fear.
Frustration comes from two places.
Things you control and things you don't control. You become frustrated because the results you are getting are below what you expect.
It's that simple and it's that hard.
You may become frustrated with yourself, your spouse, your kids, your parents, your coworkers. No matter what the source of the frustration is, it is because you are expecting more than you are getting.
Do you want to immediately remove that feeling? Do you want to not feel frustrated? Then here is what you need to do.
Lower your expectations.
As soon as you lower your expectations, you remove the feeling of frustration. Almost as soon as you lower your expectations, you become more aligned with reality. You become more open to possibility.
Try it.
When you become frustrated, you create a negative energy that basically pushes away solutions. If you pursue frustration, it will create turmoil for yourself most of all. And, your negative vibe will affect those around you.
Let it go....
Lower your expectations. Once you do this, you relax. You remove the tension, you reduce the negative energy that brings you and everyone involved further down and away from the solution.
As soon as you relax, you can reconnect with your purpose and find new ways to achieve what you are going for. The ideas will come to you. But, only when you relax.
In addition to lowering your expectations, it helps to realize that frustration means the goal you're not getting to can still be realized. Once you reach a point where the goal is not achievable you move from frustration to disappointment. So, feeling frustrated can serve as an action signal to avoid disappointment. Welcome it.
Once you relax, consider the situation. First, is it something that you control? If you are frustrated and it is something that you control, your probably frustrated with yourself. Your frustrated that you have not met your own expectations.
You didn't lose the weight, get to the gym, make the sale, keep your temper or whatever. You will need to make sure you didn't set your expectation to high. Consider a less lofty goal. Of course, if you just plain didn't try hard enough. You deserve to feel frustrated.
Try again.
If you are frustrated and it is something you don't control. You may need to not only lower your expectations. You may need to change them altogether. To understand what you control or don't control see The #1 Way To Improve The World.
If you are frustrated and it is something you can't control like the weather, the economy or the traffic your stuck in, you need to change your expectations and perhaps even prepare for disappointment. But, if it is something you can't control but have some influence over then there is something you can do.
Change your approach.
Frustration with people often falls into this category. You cannot control other people but you can influence them. If they are not meeting your expectations it is because of the approach your using. If you change your approach, you will change your results.
Can't get your kids to pick up all their toys? Pleading and yelling not working for you? Try this. Tell them they only have to pick up the toys they want to keep and you'll take care of the rest.
Sometimes frustration can come from things and not people. Computers come to mind here. Again, change your approach. Instead of trying to force the situation, try to understand it. With things, it often comes down to understanding why something is not working. And, once you learn why something is not working, you change your approach to make it work.
Change your approach and you change your outcome.
You may even meet your expectations.
And, frustration will fade away.
Much of what we see each day, especially through our media and our own minds, tends to be focused on the negative. We tend to see what is wrong with people and situations. It could be bad weather, bad people, bad service or bad news. Or, all of the above.
The media focuses on these bad things because it attracts and holds viewers which in turn sells advertising. Our minds focus on bad things because it is trying to help us survive by keeping us safe and out of bad situations.
But, the world is not all bad.
There are situations that are good. There are things that are getting better. There are people and situations that can inspire us and make us feel good. But, only if we choose to see those situations.
Whether it is a good situation or a bad one. It could probably be better. Obviously, we want bad things to be better. And, if you can make a good thing better, why not?
So, what do you do? What can you do to improve the world?
First, recognize what you can control and not control.
You cannot control the weather. Complaining about the weather is a waste of time and energy. And, you cast off a negative vibe to the world. You simply deal with it.
You cannot control the economy. Whether inflation if high or low, whether interest rates are high or low, or whether the market is high or low is not under your control. You simply deal with it.
You cannot control world events. Terrorism, natural disasters and political scandal are going to happen. You cannot control them. You simply deal with them.
How do you deal with things you can't control? You deal with them with something you can control. Your attitude and response to them.
Your attitude and the way you respond are within your control. You get to choose how you think and respond in every situation. It is your choice.
So, the #1 way to improve the world is to improve yourself.
Of all the things you can control in the world. You and your choices are the things you control the most. And, when you improve your choices, you improve yourself and, in turn, improve the world.
If all 7 billion of us focused on just improving ourselves, the breadth of our collective human potential is absolutely staggering.
There is another way to improve the world.
Another way is not something you control but something you influence. This can be a very grey area because your influence operates along a continuum or a spectrum. Some things you have a lot of influence over and some things not so much.
You can't control the economy but you can influence it. When you buy things you influence the economy. But, let's be honest, your greatest purchase, usually your home, is insignificant on the overall economy. You have low influence here. But, in other areas you have high influence.
You can't control other people. But, you can influence them. Some you can influence to a greater degree than others. If you've ever had children you can experience the change of how much influence you have over their lifetimes. As infants you have a great deal of influence. But, as a teenager...well, let's just say not as much.
So, the #1 way to improve the world is to improve yourself. Improve your mind, body and spirit. Seek to find your potential. If you do this everyday, your ability to contribute to the world increases. If you don't, it diminishes.
How do you improve yourself?
Today's kids face challenges much different than previous generations. There is no doubt they are growing up in a much more complicated and pressured world than we ever did.
The pressures of social media, and media in general, high levels of communication with cell phones, laptops and tablets put the people they know, and don't know, at their fingertips.
It's a scary world at times. We used to let our kids play outside until it got dark not even knowing where they were. Now we panic when they get out of our sight.
And, to be fair, they also have greater opportunities.
Social media presents kids with opportunities to market themselves and their accomplishments to colleges and future employers. They can stay in touch with distant relatives. The internet and technology make researching and writing a paper for school easier than it has ever been.
But, even with all this pressure, and opportunity, we should not feel sorry for them. But many of us do. Every generation has its challenges. In the fifties, there was the Cold War and the threat of nuclear annihilation. The sixties had race riots. And, in the seventies we had out of control inflation and Jimmy Carter.
Today we have a tendency to want to shelter our children from the realities of society. There is certainly some ugliness out there but there are positives too. Especially when you look for them.
We even want to protect them from their own feelings. The feelings of injustice, unfairness and losing. This kind of protection does not help children grow to realize their greatest potential especially in today's very competitive environment.
Too often parents are paying more attention to their children than they do to each other weakening the marriage in the process. The children have become the focus where we place their needs above all others. Where is this leading us?
Children today end up growing later because they are not taught the fundamentals they need to care for themselves and cope with their own feelings. They end up leaving the home later in life than previous generations. Some kids, called boomerang children, end up returning home unable to the handle basic responsibilities necessary to begin an independent life.
Most parents are good people that love their children and want what is best for them. But, have we gotten confused in this society of convenience and instant gratification as to what is really best for our children?
When you look around you see too many instances of institutionalized fairness as in participation trophies. Go to any store or restaurant and you see children talking to their parents in tones and language that would have earned you or I the reprimanding side of your father's hand. What are we doing?
I have been to friends' homes for dinner and watched the parents clear table, do the dishes and take out the trash while the kids jumped onto the latest version of Madden Football. And, the schedules we keep for kids today with one activity after another makes me think they need Personal Assistants. And, they have them in their parents. Where is all this leading to?
I interview many young people for jobs. Fresh out of college, the jobs they seek are often the first ones in their young careers. Some of these recent grads ask questions around promotions, expense accounts and corner offices before they have even been offered a position. They never make the second round of interviews. And, I'm sure they sulk away thinking how unfair my company was.
This is what today's youth looks like. Entitled, self-centered, and more concerned with the reward they think they deserve rather than the contribution they need to make. But, it is not their fault.
We raise kids differently these days. We lean towards comforting and coddling them more than we should. We are not doing them, nor ourselves, any favors. We need a return to some of the classic values that were the hallmark of previous generations.
Here are five of those values:
1. Family Time - this starts at the dinner table. This daily meeting is a hallmark tradition of the family unit since the dawn of time. In the earliest time of human existence, when food was scarce, the family would gather around the harvest or the kill to eat. Of course, this has evolved as food sources have become more abundant. But, the premise is the same. We gathered daily to be together, eat and bond. And, it doesn't end there.
Family time spent together playing games, watching movies, doing chores would all contribute to the building of a bond that would strengthen the family and establish its value systems. It is time well spent.
2. Allow Failure - as parents we need to stop shielding our children from the natural consequences of competition and life. It is unfair of us to prepare them for life this way. Life is not that way.
We should be preparing our children with the tools to be able to deal with the inevitable times when they will fail. For more on that see "Should You Let Your Kids Fail."
3. Good Manners - nothing says more about the kids we meet than the manners they keep. Yes Sir, Yes Ma'am, Please, Thank You, Excuse Me, etc. These go a long way when our kids meet other parents. But, they go an even longer way when they use them with their own parents.
The manners kids use outside of the home start inside the home with their siblings and parents. If you insist on the best manners at home, you won't have to worry about them using them outside the home.
And, tone of voice counts. Nothing says more about a kid's personal self control and respect for his parents than when he yells at them in public. And, it says even more about the parents.
4. Chores - kids who end up becoming responsible, productive and contributing members of society weren't born that way. They learned those basic values by taking care of some simple responsibilities at home from a very young age.
Making the bed is less about the bed and more about child. The good habits, discipline and sense of pride that grow in a child from this simple responsibility spill over into other areas of their lives and sets the stage for a productive adult life.
5. Playtime - remember "Kick-the-Can, Hide-and-Seek and Tag?" Whatever happened to these games? They involved imagination and physical activity. These days kid's dexterity is found in the speed of their thumbs on a game controller. And, forget about imagination! Every time I hear a kid say their bored I wonder what planet they woke up on.
The job of parents is to prepare their children to be productive, contributing members of society. The principles used by parents in previous generations were more effective at reaching that objective than what parents are doing today. We need to give those values more serious consideration for today's youth.
Not only do they need it, the parents and society need it.
I eat worms. Metaphorically speaking of course.
I have been an early riser for most of my life. And, when people hear how early I get up I always tell them I get the worms. As in, the early bird gets the worm.
How early? I have been getting up at 4 am for more years than I can count now. On weekends, I jokingly say that I sleep in.
Till 5 am!
Why so early?
I get things done. Once the rest of the family is up that becomes more challenging. Time alone is quality time.
What do I do?
Much has been said and written about having a morning routine. It is time you can use to set yourself up to have a great day. And, it does work. There are a lot of benefits.
1. Peace and quiet. If you have a busy household this is some of the most peaceful time of the day. I don't start waking anyone else up until 6:30. So, at two and a half hours a day, I am getting more than 15 peaceful hours a week in my house of four. How many are you getting?
2. Exercise. You can exercise other times of the day. But, studies have shown that people who workout in the morning are most consistent over the long run. If you exercise in the afternoon there can be a number of reasons they may come up that make it not work out. I call that PWS or pre-workout syndrome. There is no PWS in the morning.
3. Creativity. If you do anything creative, mornings are the best time to do this. A fresh and rested brain and nervous system are ideal for creating. Some creative people listed below were early risers.
4. Productivity. You are rested, there are no distractions, you can focus. You can get more done in the morning. The military get up early and they have a slogan that they do more before 9 am than most people do in a day. They have a morning routine.
Who else has a morning routine?
Here are some people who have had morning routines. Some claim that it helped them to achieve their personal success.
1. Benjamin Franklin. He got at 4 am. His primary focus was what he was going to accomplish that day.
2. Michelle Gass, president of Starbucks. She gets up at 4:30 am and goes running.
3. Anna Wintour, editor of Vogue. By 6:45 am she has already played tennis for an hour.
4. Ernest Hemingway. Rose at dawn each day and started writing.
5. Beethoven. Got up at 3 am everyday, meticulously prepared his coffee and then started composing.
What should you include in your morning routine? How can you get started?
Check Thursday's Post.
On Monday, I posted I Eat Worms. I wrote about getting up early, some benefits of getting up early and included a list of some pretty successful people who also got up early. You can read that here.
There are a lot of things you can have in your morning routine. And, there are certainly some that are more popular than others. I list the most common below. I purposely left out all the personal hygiene stuff. I assume we are all doing that whether you are an early riser or not.
Here are 3 of the most common morning routine activities.
1. Gratitude/meditation - expressing gratitude is an excellent way to greet the day and getting your mind right. This one is on almost everyone's list that I found.
2. Goals - set your goals for that day and review your long term goals. This gets your mind focused on what actions you need to take to get to where you are going. This is the setting of your mental compass. The direction is going is more important than how fast you get there. See "Should You Use A Clock or A Compass?"
3. Exercise - this is the most common morning routine outside of brushing your teeth. It is a great way to start your body and your day.
How do you get started?
I beat my kids. Really. I do. Whenever I can.
Every time we play any kind of game. Be it a board game, card game or a game of H-O-R-S-E. I try to beat them every time.
There are no participation trophies in our house. Trophies are for winners who earn it. The losers get nothing. Second place? No trophy for you. Wondering if losing is good for kids, then read "Should You Let Your Kids Fail?"
The lessons are winning and losing, being a good winner and a being a good loser.
"Breakaway, breakaway, breakaway." I could hear the words in my headset like someone other than me was saying them. We were 25,000 feet up in the cold February air over Norway. Our Marine Corps C-130 Airborne Refueler was refueling a couple of F-4 Phantoms.
We were at war.
It's January 5th. Only five days into the New Year and your resolution. How you doing?
Breaking a bad habit can be tough. If you've stuck with it this far, congratulations! You're in the top 15% so far. Here's the best way to keep going and break that old bad habit.
By January 15th of every year 88% of people who make New Year's Resolutions have broken them. They find that they are unable to stick with them. There are a lot of different reasons.
They may have tried to do too much, too soon. They may have lacked a clear cut plan on how to achieve their goal. They may not have had the support around them.
Whatever the reason. Resolutions are about making a change. And, change is never easy. Especially if you are trying to break a habit that may have been around for ten, twenty, thirty years or even more.
When facing a particularly tough challenge or temptation, here are three proven ways that other people have used that work. They can get you through that moment of temptation and help you continue on to achieve your goal.
1. Don't negotiate with yourself. This is that moment when you start to think "well one won't hurt." It doesn't matter what the one is. It will hurt. You never negotiate with yourself about brushing your teeth. There is no question. You are going to do it. The same attitude is necessary to keep that resolution When you notice yourself starting to negotiate, stop yourself. Do something outrageous to startle yourself and break the pattern. Remind yourself that it is over and you are moving on.
2. Just get to the next meal. This is a strategy used by a Navy Seal. During some of the most rigorous training a human being can endure, when the temptation to quit was the highest, he simply focused on getting to the next meal. By focusing on this short term goal he was able to get through a tough moment. If you find yourself tempted to have that cigarette or sweet, just try holding out for a little longer. Just get to the next meal. Often the temptation passes and you can get through the moment.
3. Get help. Help does not have to be a professional. Just start talking to someone you know. Explain how you are trying to make this change and you are having a difficult time. Talk it out. More often than not, you will get the support and encouragement you need to get through it and carry on. And, sometimes you may even get some new ideas that can help you stick with it.
Do you know someone working hard to stick with a resolution? Offer a word of encouragement. Change can be difficult. But, the change is usually worth it.
Share this post with them if you think it might help. If you have any ideas on sticking with resolutions, please share them in the comments.
