Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Should you let your kids fail?


Raising kids is tough.  It is hard work.

When they are newborn they require a lot of attention.  But, hey, they aren't talking back yet.  Their just filling disposable underwear with shit.  And, you get to wipe their ass.

This is the good phase.

Then they start moving around.  You have to block every stairway and electrical outlet in sight.  And, if you miss one, they'll find it.


Then they start to talk.  We think this is a good thing until that start talking back.  Then we blame our partner for the attitude they must have inherited from them.

Finally, you've done enough to allow them, with crossed fingers, to move about in public.  They go to school.  This is supposed to be a place where they go to learn the basics.  We beam with pride as they go off to learn the ABC's and 1,2,3's.  Then they come home with a note from the teacher saying they shouldn't be looking under the walls of the bathroom stall while someone else is in there.  Oh, jeez!

Here is our first weird conversation.  On the inside I'm laughing but keeping a straight face as we talk about the importance of keeping your privates private and respecting other people's privacy.  But Dad, you said to have fun at school today.  It has now begun.

I have now become the reason for anything this kid does good or bad.  And, this is not good.  For me.  Or, for the kid.

Kids need to learn they are responsible for their behavior as early as possible.  Both good or bad.  It is their decision in the moment that determines the outcome.  And, of course they will make mistakes.  They will fail.

I think we should let kids fail early and often.  Failure is a great teacher.  Parents should act as guides.  We should give them a soft place to land when they fail.  And, we should help them learn from their failures.  Whatever they are.

Helicopter parents that set their kids up for success are actually setting them up for failure.  Life is tough.

When would you want your kid to learn a hard lesson?  When they live with you and can find sanctuary to process it?  Or, when they are older with a job and bills to pay.

By the way, the kids with a job and bills to pay that do fail, often end up back at home with their parents.  Back with the parents who set them up that way.  Does that sound like success?







Monday, September 12, 2016



Do you ever feel like you don't have enough time??

The other day I read an article by someone that advocated that we all get caught up in time management when we should be focused on energy management.

Her point was we all have the same amount of time.  But, some people focus their energies on different things.  Call it energy or call it time.  What's the difference?

We are all subject to the time restraint of 24 hours.  It doesn't matter if you are rich, poor, smart, stupid, beautiful or ugly.  We all get 24 hours.

Now, if you don't have the energy to use the 24 hours well, that is a health issue.  That is diet, exercise and rest.  You have to work that into the 24 hours too.  But, good choices in this area will allow you to better use your 24 hours than an unhealthy hack.

So, your healthy and you still don't feel like you have enough time?  Now it's time to look at the time wasted in your day.

Mindless TV and internet trolling are big ones.  Gossip, complaining and other useless chit-chat use up time and get nothing accomplished.  Get rid of those.

Now you should have enough time, right?  Maybe not.

Two careers, a house to manage, kids and all their activities become the treadmill that runs your life.  Or, so it seems.  And, you still can't get to everything.

I don't think it is time management or energy management.  Many of us are balancing a lot of stuff and getting it done.  But, it just doesn't feel that way.

I think it is priority management.  It is making sure that you get to the most important things in the moment.  And, priorities can change moment to moment.  Just ask any parent whose kid just threw up in the car going somewhere.

You just have to manage what you make a priority.  Make sure it is important.  And, to make is all work.  We must get comfortable with the idea that we will never get it all done.  There will always something left to do.

Just focus on doing your best....