Tuesday, November 1, 2016

How To Say No Without Guilt

How do you say No without feeling guilty about it?

This can be a tough situation especially with family and friends.  You don't want to appear to be a jerk.  But, at the same time, you don't want to compromise yourself either.  It's a tough spot to say the least.

If you find yourself saying "yes" all the time you may be a victim of the need to please other people. When you do this you place their happiness above your own.  Doesn't seem like the right thing to do does it?   But, people do it all the time.  And, they usually regret it later.

It always seems like the situation surprises you too.

You unexpectedly run into your neighbor at the supermarket and you get invited to their pool party. You instantly recall the last pool party you went at their house and how you melted with boredom listening to her mother give you her complete medical history in the kind of gory detail that should be left in a laboratory.

You recoil at the thought.  But, before you can answer, your neighbor blurts out, "hey, my mother is going to be there and I remember how well you got along last time!"

Inside your screaming, No!  But, for some reason you hear your mouth say, "What should I bring?"

There goes your Saturday afternoon.  And, with it, your time and happiness.

But, if you could have said no, you would have a Saturday afternoon free of any chlorinated biopsy stories.

How do you say no?

  1. Be prepared.  Be ready to say no.  Don't let yourself be surprised.  Always have a ready answer.  It is easy to say, "I will have to let you know."  You can buy the time and the space you need to exit the situation.
  2. Place your happiness above theirs.  If it is not something you want to do or will enjoy to do.  Don't do it!  Simple to understand.  A bit tougher to execute.
  3. Keep your calendar filled.  Don't go into a weekend or any other day without some sort of plan.  Make the time people want from you a sacrifice.  You will look at that time a lot differently.  And, if it is truly something you want to do.  It will be worth the sacrifice.
  4. Do the things you want to do.  Not the things you should do.  Use your value system to decide what you do not society's.
  5. Stop worrying about what other people think.  You only have one life to live.  Yours. What other people do with their life is their business.What you do with your life is not just your business.  It is your responsibility.  You have to live with your decisions.
Lastly, don't look back.  Focus on what you decided to do and the good that came with it.  Looking back will only bring guilt and regret.

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