Three Ways to Deal with Setbacks

Every now and again you’ll have one of those days.  Things don’t seem to work out and you experience setbacks.  Its human nature and quite understandable for someone to get down on days like this.  But, the quote, “Setbacks are a set up for a comeback,” really is the formula to deal with setbacks.

The quote is not specific with instruction as most quotes aren’t.  But, it is loaded with wisdom.  The quote’s answer to setbacks is to reset your mindset.  It reframes the setback so that you can look at it from a different point of view.  It takes the “end of the road” and turns it into a “bump in the road.”  It keeps you going.  But, it says even more.

Setbacks come in a variety of shapes and sizes.  Some are self-inflicted and some come from the outside world.  You skipped the workout, fell off your diet, didn’t say you were sorry, didn’t make the call, etc.  These are things that you control.  And, then there are things you don't control.

There are times when even when you’ve done your best, setbacks can come from areas you don’t control.  Your staff didn’t show up or they made a mistake, the bus is late, it poured rain on your new hair-do or whatever the world decided to do to ruin your day.

Regardless of what the setback is, there are a couple of simple ways to turn an unfortunate situation into a fortunate one.

1. Stay calm and look for the good in the situation. Yes, that can be hard to do. When you notice the coffee rolling down your rear window because you left it on the top of your car will make you want to scream. But, no matter what happens there is usually something to at least learn. And, that is always a positive.

2. Think "now what?" Thinking this way forces you to accept the situation. It has happened and there is nothing you can do about it. It also prompts you to think about what action you can take now given the new circumstances. Move on.

3. Do not beat yourself up. If you can read this your human. If your human, you're going to make mistakes. Accept it, get over it, and move on.

If you really want to take a setback and give is some meaning think this thought:

"What if life happens for us, and not to us?" Tony Robbins

Do you Need To or Do You Want To?

Some things you need to do. Some things you want to do. Some things you need to do, but you don't want to do. And, some things you want to do, but you don't need to do.

Whether you consider any particular thing a need or a want may be a matter of opinion. But, there will be some things that are needs no matter how you feel about them. And, then there are some things that are needs depending on each particular situation.

When you want to do something and it happens to be something you need to, it is usually the best thing for you. Diet, exercise and rest immediately come to mind. And, when you need it and you want it, there is never any conflict within you. You just do it. No extra effort is necessary.

When something that you need to do is something that you don't want to do, well there is where we have a problem. 

When a want and a need do not agree then conflict arises. An internal battle develops in your mind. Sometimes this is a quick battle and other times it is drawn out. Eventually the stronger of the two, the need or the want, will win out. And, no matter what wins, the need or the want, you will experience some kind of stress.

When you do what you need to do but don't really want to do, you deal with the feelings of sacrifice or that sense that you gave in and did the right thing. Conversely, when you do what you want to do instead of what you need to do, you have a sense of guilt. You lose either way. And, not only do you lose, there is usually some future pain for the choice you made.

There is no argument that you need a good night's sleep. Sometimes you even want a good night's sleep. But, sometimes you want to stay up and watch your favorite team's game more than you want to sleep. You choose the want over the need. And, when you choose a want over a need, you will pay every time.

The thing about wants and needs is their value. Needs have a consistent value and if you don't address them, then you will pay for it. There is no recourse. But, wants are different. They seem really important at the time but later? Not so much. You do experience some kind of pain but it's not near the kind of pain you experience when you don't address a need.

Most needs are physical. Sleep, diet, exercise and personal care are all needs. Your physical being is the basis on which everything else is built. You cannot pursue intellectual passions, entrepreneurial adventures, philanthropic pursuits or materialistic riches without a physical basis that will allow you to.

Steve Jobs was making a dent in the universe until he became sick. Without physical health, you have nothing else. You cannot invent, create, teach or contribute in any way without physical health. And, if you really want big success, you just don't take care of your physical needs, you maximize them.

Other needs exist in your relationships, your career and your finances. If you keep choosing the wants over the needs you will eventually experience pain. The key is discipline. The discipline of choosing what you need to do. See What Is Discipline.

The interesting thing about needs and wants is that needs are long-term. As long as you take care of your needs, your long-term success is almost guaranteed. But when you satisfy the wants, success, in whatever, is delayed at best and completely lost at worst. Choosing wants is usually associated with immediate gratification, the I want it now attitude, and a complete lack of discipline.

The choice is clear but never easy. 

What is your choice, do you need to or do you want to?

What is Discipline?

This is one of the most misunderstood personal characteristics of human behavior. And, one of the most admired.

It can single-highhandedly be the very reason someone succeeds in spite of great challenges and limited resources. And, it is not limited to just success with money. Being disciplined can assist and accelerate growth in any area of life. Discipline will make you healthier, wealthier, communicate better, be more focused, improve your relationships and avoid problems.

Discipline helps in every area of life. Discipline helps with your personal life, your career, your extended relationships and in social settings.

There is virtually no limit to what this single personal behavior can do for a person. And, the best part is that it is not something a person is born with. It is a skill that can be learned and developed. And, anyone can learn it. Anyone can apply it.  Anyone can use it to make their life better.

If they choose to...

Discipline is a choice. 

It is a choice between doing what you want to do and doing what you need to do. This distinction is an important one. There are things people want to do that at one time they needed to. And, by using discipline the need to do became a want to do.

Discipline helped them get started. And, occasionally they will use discipline to keep themselves going. But, the disciplined repetition turned it into a habit making ongoing discipline unnecessary.

Discipline is an attitude.

It is an attitude of always doing what the right thing no matter how hard it is. It's having the uncomfortable conversation you need to have with a friend, a coworker or a spouse but don't want to have. It's eating the salad instead of the ice cream. It's going to the gym instead of hitting the snooze button.

Discipline is a mindset.

It is an unyielding way of thinking. It is seeing what needs to be done and doing it no matter how uncomfortable or inconvenient it may be. It is the engagement of a single-minded purpose that refuses to lose.

Discipline is consistency.

It is doing the the right thing over and over again no matter how boring or monotonous it may seem. It is understanding that Little Things Do Matter. And, doing the little things day in and day out achieves big things over time.

Discipline is a commitment.

It is a decision to do a certain thing and stick with it until is is done. It is realizing that Done Is Better Perfect and all results count in getting to the goal. It is never giving up.

Discipline is a challenge.

It is the reason you feel tired after pushing where others would have quit. It is the reason you feel stretched. It is the reason you have grown to become someone you could have never even imagined becoming.  But, so glad you did.

Discipline is the difference.

It is the difference between you and the non-achiever. It is the reason you succeed and others fail. It is the reason you have a fulfilled life and others taste regret. It is the difference between success and failure. It is the difference between the you that tried and the you that didn't try.

Discipline is the answer.

It is the answer to any problem that plagues you. It is the answer to any challenge you face. It is the answer to any obstacle that you need to overcome.

You already know what to do. Discipline will make you do it. 

Discipline is the answer to Fear.

What is Fear?

Fear is a liar.

Fear is the voice in your head that says you are not good enough. Fear says you don't have what it takes to reach your goals. Fear will whisper in your ear all the reasons why you can't do it. Fear will tell you your not strong enough. Fear will tell you you're not worthy. Fear will tell you that you should be ashamed.

Fear is a thief.

Fear will steal your dreams. Fear is a taker. Fear is a robber. Fear will steal your intentions.  Fear will steal your passions and keep you in a boring and safe routine day after day until you utter a deathbed whisper of regret.

Fear is a prison.

Fear will keep you safely locked away from risk. Fear will keep you fenced in and away from trying. Fear will build walls that protect you from failure, success, pain, pleasure and anything else that it perceives as the least bit threatening. Fear will keep you in a comfort zone where you will never put yourself on the line. Fear will never let you grow.

Fear is a reaction.

Fear is an emotion. Fear is a response to a perceived future that may or may not ever come true. Fear is primitive. Fear is an under-developed emotion that was meant to keep you safe when you were a cave dweller. Fear is obsolete.

Fear is an excuse.

Fear becomes the reason you don't try. Fear is the reason you don't go for it. Fear is the reason you quit when you've almost made it. Fear is the crutch you use to explain the lackluster and uninspired life you've chosen.

Fear is an obstacle.

Fear is what you use to hold yourself back. Fear is an unlocked door you just don't turn the handle and open. Fear is what you put between you and what you truly want to do. Fear is why your book never gets written, your song never gets sung, your company never gets started and your purpose is never known. Fear is what keeps you from being you.

Fear is an illusion.

Fear is need. Fear is lack. Fear is why you please others at your peril. Fear is why you spend money you don't have to impress people you don't know.

Fear is obedience.

Fear is coloring inside the lines. Fear is thinking inside the box. Fear is following the crowd. Fear will have you act like society's sheep. Fear is conformity.

Fear is an attack.

Fear is an attack on your motivations. Fear is an attack on your inspirations. Fear is an attack on your dreams. Fear is an attack on the best version of yourself. Fear preys on your insecurities. And, Fear will attack until you fight back.

Fear is a friend.

Fear is your compass. Fear is telling you where you need to go. Fear tells you where you need to grow. Fear is the devil you find at every new level. Fear is where the best version of yourself exists. Fear is what your creator wants you to be.

"Don’t follow your excitement… follow your fear."  Bryan Ward, Third Way Man.

Fear is a rush. 

Fear is exhilaration. Fear is the spine-tingling sensation you feel when you absolutely throw your whole heart in and try in spite of fear. Fear is the energy you feel when you say fuck fear and just go for it anyway. Fear is a high-octane fuel when you decide to use it.

Fear, when overcome, is the greatest personal victory any human can experience.

Follow your fear...

Are you frustrated? Here's why. And, what to do about it.

Frustration comes from two places.

Things you control and things you don't control. You become frustrated because the results you are getting are below what you expect.

It's that simple and it's that hard.

You may become frustrated with yourself, your spouse, your kids, your parents, your coworkers. No matter what the source of the frustration is, it is because you are expecting more than you are getting.

Do you want to immediately remove that feeling? Do you want to not feel frustrated? Then here is what you need to do.

Lower your expectations.

As soon as you lower your expectations, you remove the feeling of frustration. Almost as soon as you lower your expectations, you become more aligned with reality. You become more open to possibility.

Try it.

When you become frustrated, you create a negative energy that basically pushes away solutions. If you pursue frustration, it will create turmoil for yourself most of all.  And, your negative vibe will affect those around you.

Let it go....

Lower your expectations. Once you do this, you relax. You remove the tension, you reduce the negative energy that brings you and everyone involved further down and away from the solution.

As soon as you relax, you can reconnect with your purpose and find new ways to achieve what you are going for. The ideas will come to you. But, only when you relax.

In addition to lowering your expectations, it helps to realize that frustration means the goal you're not getting to can still be realized. Once you reach a point where the goal is not achievable you move from frustration to disappointment. So, feeling frustrated can serve as an action signal to avoid disappointment. Welcome it.

Once you relax, consider the situation. First, is it something that you control? If you are frustrated and it is something that you control, your probably frustrated with yourself. Your frustrated that you have not met your own expectations.

You didn't lose the weight, get to the gym, make the sale, keep your temper or whatever. You will need to make sure you didn't set your expectation to high. Consider a less lofty goal. Of course, if you just plain didn't try hard enough. You deserve to feel frustrated.

Try again.

If you are frustrated and it is something you don't control. You may need to not only lower your expectations. You may need to change them altogether. To understand what you control or don't control see The #1 Way To Improve The World.

If you are frustrated and it is something you can't control like the weather, the economy or the traffic your stuck in, you need to change your expectations and perhaps even prepare for disappointment. But, if it is something you can't control but have some influence over then there is something you can do.

Change your approach. 

Frustration with people often falls into this category. You cannot control other people but you can influence them. If they are not meeting your expectations it is because of the approach your using. If you change your approach, you will change your results.

Can't get your kids to pick up all their toys? Pleading and yelling not working for you? Try this. Tell them they only have to pick up the toys they want to keep and you'll take care of the rest.

Sometimes frustration can come from things and not people. Computers come to mind here. Again, change your approach. Instead of trying to force the situation, try to understand it. With things, it often comes down to understanding why something is not working. And, once you learn why something is not working, you change your approach to make it work.

Change your approach and you change your outcome.

You may even meet your expectations. 

And, frustration will fade away.

Is That A First World Complaint?

Is that a first world complaint?

I heard this question the other day and it stopped me.  What a great way to look at a problem or some other inconvenience.

Stuck in traffic? That's a First World Complaint.

Not enough time to go to your kid's sports activity and catch the new movie? That's a First World Complaint.

People who live in Third World Countries don't have these problems. They have Third World Country problems.

They deal with things like war, disease, famine. They are overpopulated and end up with food and water problems. They constantly struggle with starvation, drought, extreme thirst, hunger and malnutrition.

These countries are dirty too. One out of every five kids under the age of 5 dies from a water-related disease.


These poor kids deal with problems around child labor in mining and manufacturing. Many are forced into slavery which is a $32 billion dollar industry.


In Third World Countries only about 25% of people have any access to the internet. If I lose the Wifi in my house for 15 minutes, fixing it becomes the highest priority over anything else.

So, the next time your stuck in traffic, find your item out of stock at the grocery store or your coffee not made to your liking at the local coffee shop, ask yourself if that's a First World Problem.

You are lucky to have those problems and not the problems they have in Third World Countries. To understand how lucky you are to even live in this country read "Do You Know How Lucky You Are?"

The #1 Way To Improve The World

Much of what we see each day, especially through our media and our own minds, tends to be focused on the negative.  We tend to see what is wrong with people and situations. It could be bad weather, bad people, bad service or bad news. Or, all of the above.

The media focuses on these bad things because it attracts and holds viewers which in turn sells advertising. Our minds focus on bad things because it is trying to help us survive by keeping us safe and out of bad situations.

But, the world is not all bad.

There are situations that are good. There are things that are getting better. There are people and situations that can inspire us and make us feel good. But, only if we choose to see those situations.

Whether it is a good situation or a bad one. It could probably be better. Obviously, we want bad things to be better.  And, if you can make a good thing better, why not?

So, what do you do? What can you do to improve the world?

First, recognize what you can control and not control.

You cannot control the weather. Complaining about the weather is a waste of time and energy. And, you cast off a negative vibe to the world. You simply deal with it. 

You cannot control the economy. Whether inflation if high or low, whether interest rates are high or low, or whether the market is high or low is not under your control. You simply deal with it.

You cannot control world events. Terrorism, natural disasters and political scandal are going to happen. You cannot control them. You simply deal with them.

How do you deal with things you can't control? You deal with them with something you can control. Your attitude and response to them.

Your attitude and the way you respond are within your control. You get to choose how you think and respond in every situation. It is your choice.

So, the #1 way to improve the world is to improve yourself. 

Of all the things you can control in the world. You and your choices are the things you control the most. And, when you improve your choices, you improve yourself and, in turn, improve the world.

If all 7 billion of us focused on just improving ourselves, the breadth of our collective human potential is absolutely staggering.

There is another way to improve the world.

Another way is not something you control but something you influence. This can be a very grey area because your influence operates along a continuum or a spectrum. Some things you have a lot of influence over and some things not so much.

You can't control the economy but you can influence it. When you buy things you influence the economy.  But, let's be honest, your greatest purchase, usually your home, is insignificant on the overall economy. You have low influence here.  But, in other areas you have high influence.

You can't control other people.  But, you can influence them. Some you can influence to a greater degree than others. If you've ever had children you can experience the change of how much influence you have over their lifetimes. As infants you have a great deal of influence.  But, as a teenager...well, let's just say not as much.

So, the #1 way to improve the world is to improve yourself. Improve your mind, body and spirit.  Seek to find your potential. If you do this everyday, your ability to contribute to the world increases.  If you don't, it diminishes. 

How do you improve yourself?

The Friday Five - June 9, 2017

Five things to take into your weekend....

1.  Quote I'm Mulling Over - “You are a victim of the rules you live by.” ― Jen Sincero, You Are A Badass.

2.  Book I am reading - You Are a Badass at Making Money by Jen Sincero will launch you past the fears and stumbling blocks that have kept financial success beyond your reach. Drawing on her own transformation—over just a few years—from a woman living in a converted garage with tumbleweeds blowing through her bank account to a woman who travels the world in style, Jen Sincero channels the inimitable sass and practicality that made You Are A Badass an indomitable bestseller. She combines hilarious personal essays with bite-size, aha concepts that unlock earning potential and get real results.

3.  Song of the Week - American Bad Ass by Kid Rock. Nothing encapsulates the badass attittude like Kid Rock and his music.

4.  Video of the Week -  "Go Ahead and Get Rich" from Jen Sincero herself, here is one of the techniques she features in her book You Are a Badass at Making Money. Jen has a particular flavor that makes reading and especially listening to her books really cool.  This video gives you a little taste of her flavor.

5.  Health & Fitness Tip of the Week - Optimum Nutrition Gold Standard Whey Protein - This is simply the best value protein powder out there.  Highly rated on every supplement rating scale it combines the essential proteins, BCAA's and Glutamine. It mixes well, tastes great and comes in over 20 different flavors.

Have a great weekend!!

And, please share! 

I Eat Worms

I eat worms.  Metaphorically speaking of course.

I have been an early riser for most of my life.  And, when people hear how early I get up I always tell them I get the worms.  As in, the early bird gets the worm.

How early?  I have been getting up at 4 am for more years than I can count now.  On weekends, I jokingly say that I sleep in.  

Till 5 am!

Why so early?

I get things done.  Once the rest of the family is up that becomes more challenging.  Time alone is quality time.

What do I do?

Much has been said and written about having a morning routine.  It is time you can use to set yourself up to have a great day.  And, it does work.  There are a lot of benefits.

1.  Peace and quiet.  If you have a busy household this is some of the most peaceful time of the day.  I don't start waking anyone else up until 6:30.  So, at two and a half hours a day, I am getting more than 15 peaceful hours a week in my house of four.  How many are you getting?

2.  Exercise.  You can exercise other times of the day.  But, studies have shown that people who workout in the morning are most consistent over the long run.  If you exercise in the afternoon there can be a number of reasons they may come up that make it not work out.  I call that PWS or pre-workout syndrome.  There is no PWS in the morning.

3.  Creativity.  If you do anything creative, mornings are the best time to do this.  A fresh and rested brain and nervous system are ideal for creating.  Some creative people listed below were early risers.

4.  Productivity.  You are rested, there are no distractions, you can focus. You can get more done in the morning.  The military get up early and they have a slogan that they do more before 9 am than most people do in a day.  They have a morning routine.

Who else has a morning routine?

Here are some people who have had morning routines.  Some claim that it helped them to achieve their personal success.

1.  Benjamin Franklin.  He got at 4 am.  His primary focus was what he was going to accomplish that day.

2.  Michelle Gass, president of Starbucks.  She gets up at 4:30 am and goes running.

3.  Anna Wintour, editor of Vogue.  By 6:45 am she has already played tennis for an hour.

4.  Ernest Hemingway.  Rose at dawn each day and started writing.

5.  Beethoven.  Got up at 3 am everyday, meticulously prepared his coffee and then started composing.

What should you include in your morning routine?  How can you get started?  

Check Thursday's Post.

How I Got Through Marine Corps Boot Camp

The sound of a violently thrown corrugated steel trash can hitting and tumbling across a concrete floor is one you can't forget.  

And, one you can't ignore.

Before the trash can came to stop by crashing into some poor guy's bunk the lights came blazing on.

And, then immediately the yelling began.

There was no time to think.  You didn't have to.  We knew what we needed to do.

Get on the line and count off.  We rolled out of the rack and still half asleep stumbled to the line .  One by one each recruit enthusiastically yelled a number.  One, two, three, etc.  I was last as the Series Scribe and finished with sixty-eight.

I had the rare privilege of announcing the count.  In my loudest voice I said, "Sir!! The count on deck is 68 highly motivated, truly dedicated, rompin, stompin, ass-kickin', Miller Light drinking, woman chasing, lean, green, amphibious killing machines, Sir!"

The rest of the platoon repeated the phrase.  

Our day had begun.

Marine Corps Boot Camp is a unique experience.  Tough is an understatement.  Difficult is the norm.  Challenging is the status quo.

We started with 80 and lost about half that either quit, washed out or fell behind schedule and joined other platoons.  We picked up some recruits that fell behind their platoons and joined ours when they were ready.

The wash outs simply went home.  They were escorted out in the middle of the night while you slept exhausted from the day.  We never heard a thing.  We would just get up the next day and they'd be gone...

The ones who fell behind and left went to the Physical Conditioning Platoon or PCP for short.  This was more humorously referred to as the Pork Chop Platoon.  They were handling boot camp mentally.  But, they couldn't meet the physical requirements.  Or, they were fat.  

PCP was a holding pattern.  You kept up your studies while doing two-a-days in a steamy Quonset hut until you were fit enough to rejoin a platoon in training. But, by that point your original platoon was well beyond where they got off.  So, they joined a new one to resume training where they left off.

So, in the process we lost 40 but picked up 28.  We lost 50%.  I never knew how many we lost to the PCP.  But, I do know it was not even close to 40.  Not even half. The mental challenge was the hard part and the reason most recruits did not make it.

Most of the recruits were 18 and 19 year old's.  Raw and wet behind the ears.  How prepared could an 18 year old really be? Physically they should be okay unless they were overweight or weak.  But, the real challenge was mental.

Enormous mental pressure is placed on a recruit as soon as they arrive. It starts with the arrival itself.

It is always the middle of the night.  Total darkness.

The new recruits already have an idea of what to expect.  They watched the videos on YouTube.  They heard the stories.  But, nothing can truly and fully prepare you for your first encounter with a Marine Corps Drill Instructor.

The bus ride from the airport where the big mouths had lots to say now have nothing to say. Eerie silence.  Eyes start getting wide. Palms start sweating.

The bus goes over a bridge.  The legendary only way on or off the island.

Then you arrive, disembark the bus and take your place on the infamous yellow footprints.  The mental pressure has begun.

The atmosphere is totally new.  The sounds are different. The smells are different.  The weather is different.  You have entered another world where you know a personal transformation of monumental proportions is about to take place.  If you survive...


You have no idea what you are going to do next.  You have no idea if you will even make it.  Doubt creeps in your mind...

You just do what they say and hope you do not become the butt of an insult because of the way you look or where you're from. 

You hope to make a good impression.  A virtual impossibility.  No impression would be better.  Invisibility would be best.

From this point and beyond the challenge mentally and physically is difficult.  You will have a good chance if you had a tough parent, coach or teacher. All three being tough would be better. But, nothing can guarantee success.

There will be a lot to learn in a short period of time.  There will be physical and mental stresses placed upon you that you have never encountered before.  

This is how Marines are made.

What is the key to succeeding in this situation?  How do you succeed in any high challenge situation?  Whether it is a lofty financial goal, career goal or personal goal like losing weight? 

The answer is to have a compelling reason to do it. You have to have a Why.

For me going to Parris Island and becoming a Marine was a stepping stone to where I wanted to go.  I wanted to fly. The Marines gave me that chance.  They were the only branch of the military that would.  I had no choice.  So, if I wanted to fly, I had to become a Marine (other branches of the military fly too, but it was not an option to sign up for with the recruiter). Flying was my compelling reason.  That was my Why.

According to leadership expert Simon Sinek, "it’s not enough to know what you do and how you do it. At our essence, we are most motivated by knowing why we do things."

Getting through boot camp was the How to getting to my Why. Under no circumstance would I advocate looking past boot camp. No way. That would have been an enormous mistake.  Instead, I embraced it. I rose to the challenge with the attitude that I had to succeed. Failure was not an option. As soon as I completed Boot Camp I would be on to flight school. And, it was in that attitude that I found success.

Flight school was my compelling reason.  Flight school would be my challenge.  Boot camp was a step to getting to that challenge.  

Boot camp was certainly a challenge too.  But, the difference was that I never thought that I wouldn't get through it. As Gene Krantz of Apollo 13 fame stated, "Failure is not an option."  Failure did not cross my mind.

I never asked questions around failure.  I never thought what if I can't do it or what if I don't have what it takes to be a Marine? I asked success oriented questions.  What do I have to do to be a Marine? What do I have to do to succeed? When you ask questions like this, the answers are the actions you need to take and then you simply execute.

Simply may be an understatement.  It was hard to do. But, what to do was simple. And, Why I was doing it was clear to me.

So, when you are faced with an enormous challenge.  Find a compelling reason.  Find your Why. Keep your eye on the prize and execute on the actions that will take you there. Ask the success oriented questions that point you in the direction of success.

You never know, you may find you have what it takes too...